Episode 2

Episode 2: A Run-in With The Freejasons

Fishman is in a ham locker. How did he get here? What IS a ham locker? WHEN is ham LOCKED? These question and more go through his mind. Another question - is time a property of an object? If so, could you locate it and somehow lock it in place? Maybe with your mind. Then he could maybe reverse it, and use it to reverse the time on the walls of the ham locker in order degrade them back to their base forms and free himself.

Turns out you can't, so he just opened the door.

Stepping out in to the sunlight, he saw Fisherman. He walked over to greet Fisherman.
"Greetings!" greeted Fishman.

"Mornin' to ya'!" replied Fisherman. He was busy in the middle of slapping two fish together. Fishman had never seen this behaviour from any fishermen before, let alone his friend Fisherman, so he enquired about it. Fisherman told him it was band practice for the Fishingtown Grand Orchestra. He was part of the accoustic section, but he was having a bit of trouble tuning his fish properly.

Fishman asked if there was anything he could do to help, to which Fisherman replied, "Sure there is. Sift through that pile of fish over there and find me one that appears to match this one in volume. You get the best fish on fish sound if the internal accoustics in both are roughly equivalent, see."

Fishman agrees, but really it's only because he likes to see if anyone he knows has been caught. Anyone from his previous life in the ocean as a full time fish. Those days are long behind him now. Or so he thought...

Just at that moment, a Jason came crashing in to the fish pile, scattering salmon and mackeral and carp and guppy and garfish and salmon everywhere, even in the pants of some onlookers. Everyone stopped to marvel at this feat, fish mysteriously delivered directly into a mans pants with no immdeiately visible entrance. Someone would probably have to take this to Mythbusters to figre out precisely how this had happened. While all the confusion was in place the Jason casually slunk into an alley. Fishman noticed this and pointed it out to Fisherman, who was as caught up as everyone else in the teleporting salmon.

Upon being informed of the location of the rapscallion that had upset his pile of apparently mystical fish, Fisherman flew into a rage and set off down the alley after the Jason. Puffs of smoke shot out of his pipe at regular intervals as he exhaled while running, making him look much like a hairy steam train constructed out of a persons flesh and bones and weathered for a few dozen years on the open sea. 22:59 19/11/2011. Why did todays date and time just print itself there?

Fisherman yelled after the Jason "Hey! Hey you, stop!"

The Jason stopped running, turned around and said "Hello?"

Fisherman was at first baffled by this. Normally to catch anything he has to bait it and then put a hook through it's mouth. He already had a hook out in preparation for this! Then he was even more baffled, because he didn't understand how 'hello' could possibly be phrased as a question. Despite his intense bafflement, Fisherman was able to form a cohesive sentence and deliver it via his mouth straight to the Jasons ears.

"Where did you buy those shoes from? I really like them!" is what came out of Fishermans mouth. The Jason looked at his bare feet.

"I have bare feet...", he replied

"No, despite the fact both bears and Jasons are mammals, you do not share identical feet. Those are not bear feet. Now tell me, where did you buy those shoes!" interjected a furious Fisherman.

"No you don't understand, my feet are bare. I am not wearing shoes. In order to obtain the same look on your feet that I have you would need to remove my feet and skin them, cure them, visit a cobbler..." the Jasons sentence trailed off as he realised that Fisherman had pulled out a long fishing knife, the kind used to gut a fish, and was slowly approaching the Jason like a fisherman would when sneaking up on a prize winning Marlin.

Fortunately Fishman happened apon this scene and quickly interjected as any formerly aquatic gentleman worth his salt would do. With nothing but a few tut tuts and I say!s he soon had things sorted and before anyone knew it they were at...

THE PUB

Blinking in surprise at the suddeness of change in location and the pewter mug of ale in his hand, Fisherman looked across the table to find Fishman and the Jason sitting across from him. This had happened to him before, and he quickly settled down because he had become used to blacking out and coming to in the pub. The best thing to do in a situation like this, he had found, was to just roll with it. Covertly taking a sip from his beer, he peered from under bushy eyebrows that more closely resembled a hedge made out of steel wool than anything else and nodded. That's usually enough to convince anyone you're listening and you're serious.

"Indeed!" remarked Fishman, in response to whatever the Jason had just said, "A secret society of free Jasons? How clandestine!"

Fishman chortled. Have you ever seen a fish chortle? It's weird.

"Yes. And you see, I was late. Late! I had a very important date." and with the the Freejason held forth in his hand a date. A date of great import, in point of fact, "and it has only just occured to me that I am still late. Also that I said I had a date, then held the date forth. I should have said that I have a date."

Everyone nodded together because this was all very true, and none of them could really think of a good reply to this. So they went with the Freejason to help him deliver his date to the other Freejasons.

OUTSIDE THE FREEJASONS BUILDING

None of them, bar the Freejason, had ever been inside of a Freejasons building. They had all been outside of one, and around one, and Jim Jub had looked inside the window of one before. The curtains were closed though. So now they all stood outside of the front door of the Fishingtown Grand Freejasons Hall and Center Hub for Grand Freeing and Freeminding Freely For All Sentient Beings(Whom Wish to BE Free, Because For Some There Is Happiness In Slavery).

It must have been difficult to fit all of that onto the sign.

The Freejason took a deep breath, and glanced both left and right at his new companions, because they were on both his left and his right. He was in between them, which placed him directly in the center of the space created between Fisherman and Fishman when they stood that exact distance apart. Jim Jub stood behind the Freejason.

"We only rarely let those who are not of the Freejasons inside of the Fishingtown Grand Freejasons Hall and Center Hub for Grand Freeing and Freeminding Freely For All Sentient Beings(Whom Wish to BE Free, Because For Some There Is Happiness In Slavery) inside of the building, and even more rarey do we let in more than one at a time. But this date is of grape...I mean grate. I mean great import and as such I believe it will not only be allowed but that you deserve to escort this item and ensure it reaches it's destination safely. It is your right", the Freejason has large lungs, "and none shall deny you it!"

"Aye, after gutting me way through yards of Crabsharks to escort your booty here, I will brook no dissent toward our entry into ye' wee little HALL." spat Fisherman, who had somehow contracted Irish Pirate on his way to the wee little Hall. Maybe one of the Crabsharks that had wounded him had a touch of Irish bacteria on it's claw.

"Too right!" quipped Fishman, "I had to enact many a peaceful resolution with violent ruffians on the journy to deliver this date. My treatise signing hand is becoming quite sore."
Jim Jub stayed silent. He is still a little new to the slow motion thing, and hasn't quite figured out how to work it so he can occasionaly get the baddass slow-mo cranking but kill it in time to actually hit things and not be totally lame. The other guys are really supportive of him though, he shows alot of promise.

The Freejason knocked on the front door with his hand. A panel just above eye height slid open, and visible through the gap were a pair of eyes. They each appeared to belong to someone different, as two ears could be seen between them. It was a little hard to tell since the head was pressed up so close to the gap that it blocked out whatever light source there may be behind it.

The eyes raked up and down the Freejason, and then a voice issued forth, "A glass filled with a liquid is on a table. The liquid sits at the half way mark. Is this glass half empty or half full?"

"The glass is full pinecone." the Freejason solemly replied.

With a solid thud the panel slid closed, and a series of muffled clanks, clunks, clucks and chuck wipes could be heard from behind the door. It swung open to reveal tbat the person behind who had opened the door window was in fact only one person. He simply had two ears in between his eyes, and one nostril sat on either side of his head where his ears should be. Chickens scattered around in all directions, clucking enthusiastically and spraying feathers wildly into the air as they ran. Cold, grey slabs of stone worn smooth with the passage of time paved the floor of the entryway, and it was all lit from overhead by a grand chandelier that somewhat resembled a daffodil.

Eyes turned upwrad toward the chandelier, Fisherman spoke.

"Reminds me of me ol' pa'."

Casting a doubtful glance Fishermans way, the Freejason greeted the doorman with the official Freejason handshake and ushered his new comrades down a corridor off to the side of the main entry hall.

"We must deliver this date to the Grand Nutbar directly," the Freejason went on to explain, "as it is needed for the Feast tonight!"

They entered the office of the Grand Nutbar, who was naturally quite relieved to have his date handed to him, and Fisherman, Fishman, and Jim Jub were invited to attend the Feast. They accepted because they all like eating. This is why they are friends, they share interests. When they got in to the eating room, they saw a lavish table set with delicious foods of all kinds, and at the center was a huge tiered cake. Streams of cream ran in rivulets down it's sides, and gathered in a dish at the base where they were smoothly sucked back up to fountain back out of the top of the cake. Strawberries adorned the circumference of each platform of cake, and sliced cherries ran their way inward in a spiral pattern until they reached the center of the tier. Placed in the center of each round section of cake was a small date and there, at the top, was the Important Date.

Seeing it put to use like that made killing all of those Crabsharks seem like a bit of a waste of life.

Then, all the Freejasons ushered into the room wearing plastic aprons with little flowers embroidered all the way around the hem. It looked super queer and so Fisherman, Fishman, Jim Jub and the Freejason left.

----------------------EPILOGUE----------------------

Jim Jub, Fisherman, Fishman and Jason have all hit the pub. Wild Card Witch is behind the bar serving. She got a job there after they were all impressed with her cocktails.
"These are great cocktails!" Jason remarked.

"Ye be tastin' the talents of a Space Witch, boy!" replied Fisherman.

"Oh. Has she black magiced them into tasting good then?" a tense Jason enquired.

"Heavens no!" a shocked Fishman responded, mouth open in that surprised O that fish are so great at, "How ghastly. How uncouth! That would not stand at all, not at all!"

Jason relaxed apon hearing this response.

Fishman chortled "It's all meth-amphetamines!"



   THE END